The Mysteries of Conditions
by abyssjoey
Summary: The mystery-solving tactician, Jenro, solves age-old FAQs about Sleep, Silence, and Berserk. Tactician's Mysteries Series.


**The Mysteries of Conditions**

_The mystery-solving tactician, Jenro, solves age-old FAQs about Sleep, Silence, and Berserk. Why won't my unit wake up after being hit by a Sleep staff? Can't I just whack him/her? Why the heck can they dodge even Bolting while they're asleep? What if Serra can't speak? Erk would be pretty happy! What if...Ninian and Priscilla gets BERSERKED?_

"Hey...Master Legault! Master Legault!" Isadora called to her ally, who was suddenly in a deep sleep. She was so frustrated since Legault was out in the front lines, which was quite insane.

"Hmm...it seems he was hit by a Sleep staff, and an accurate wielder at that." Canas said, entering the scene, "There's nothing you can do about him, unfortunately."

"That's insane! What kind of wicked spell is this? And now Master Legault agreed to help me in the front lines..." Isadora said, and then she got off her horse, stood beside Legault, and did everything to snap Legault from his deep slumber.

"Uh-oh." Wil, the enemy look-out, spotted enemy cavaliers heading for their direction. "Enemy cavaliers are coming!"

Then, from Lowen's horse came down Jenro, in his usual dark green robes. He had his rowdy violet hair with green highlights, and eyes similar to Erk. Hewas the mighty tactician of the team, and he was also a detective to the mysterious mysteries of Elibe.

"Shoot. Those cavaliers are trouble. But, I am more perplexed at the thought of Legault hibernating in these conditions."

"Legault was hit by a long-ranged Sleep staff, sir tactician," Canas informed Jenro.

"Ah...wake him up, then." Jenro commanded.

"But he can't. I've done everything." Isadora replied, still frustrated over Legault.

"Hmmm...this really is a mysterious matter. Waking up someone during his slumber and no response...is equal to death." Jenro assumed, "Legault...is already dead."

"What? No! It's not possible! Legault...why does this have to happen?" Isadora shouted, shocked at what the tactician said. Isadora shook Legault violently and embraced him in her arms.

"But-wait!" Isadora said, "He's still breathing! And his heart is still beating, sir tactician. He's still alive!"  
>Isadora let go of Legault, and with what Jenro saw was much more shocking than seeing Lucius in a bathing suit.<p>

"Legault...he's still standing. Hmmm...this is too mysterious. Too mysterious indeed." Jenro said, interested in the scene.

"So, shall we lay him down, sir Jenro?" Wil asked.

"No. I can't let this mystery go unsolved." Jenro replied, willing to see this mystery to the end.

While they were busy chatting, they didn't notice that the enemy cavaliers have arrived!

"Ummm..." Wil said, "The enemies are in front of us, sir Jenro."

"Doesn't matter. They're just generic peons. They're not a big threat." Jenro replied.

Then, one enemy cavalier spotted Legault and struck him with his lance!

"No! Master Legault!" Isadora shouted.

But...

Legault dodged.

"Good heavens!" Canas gasped.

"Oh my lord!" Wil shouted.

"This is...too otherworldly." Jenro said.

"You're...you're insane!" the enemy cavalier shouted. Because of too much shock, he stabbed himself and died.

"Master Legault! Master Legault,can you hear me?" Isadora continued to shake Legault's body, but he was still asleep.

"Strange," Wil commented, "Very strange."

"Well this continent, as far as I know," Jenro said, "Has a lot of mysteries that no mere human could ever solve, Wil."

Then, Matthew, who just finished pilfering some chests, arrived.

"Okay so what if we drown Legault in boiling water or feed him to Hyperion or draw doodles on Legault's face like Jigglypuff does?" Matthew said, wearing a big, happy grin.

"Oh, Matt. You're just jealous because you don't experience any battles recently and Legault does." Jenro pointed out.

"Don't blame me for not getting any experience anymore! Stupid Fell contract...not arriving so sooner..."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Wow, today is such a brilliant day, isn't it, Erkie? I can't stop raving about how the guys think about me now!"

On the otherside of the battlefield, Serra continues to annoy Erk by talking nonstop.

"Serra, if you love me, then quit yapping." Erk said, totally annoyed.

"Oh, I do love you, Erkie! I absolutely do! And Sain, Hector, Raven, Matty...they're all over me! They could even kill themselves just for my sake!"

"That's total nonsense," Erk replied, "I wish someone could hit Serra with a long-ranged Silence staff or something..."  
>Your wish is my command.<p>

Then, out of absolutely nowhere, a triangle engulfs Serra and the outcome...SILENCE!

"Bwa ha ha ha ha!" Erk laughed loudly in an evil manner, "I am free! Freedom at last! Thank you for this heart-warming early Christmas gift, Santa!"

Then, from the shadows came the tactician Jenro once again.

"What's going on out here, Erk? You're laughter is totally wicked, a laughter we've never heard from you before. It is as if you are out of character."

"Umm...oh yes. Pardon me, sir Jenro, but I couldn't restrain myself upon seeing Serra's condition right now..." Erk replied, back to his former self.

Jenro looked at Serra, and noticed that she wasn't speaking.

"This is a world record, Serra. You've done a brilliant job by not speaking," Jenro said, "Congratulations. As a reward, I grant you this Afa's-"

"No! You've got it all wrong, sir Jenro," Erk corrected the tactician, "Serra was hit by a Silence staff."

"Oh, I see..." Jenro said, hit by curiosity once again, "This is quite fascinating. I can't see why they can't use staves in their state of silence. Once again, a mysterious mystery on the mysterious continent of Elibe."

"It really doesn't matter as long as Serra doesn't speak. I'd like her in this condition forever, sir Jenro," Erk said, grinning happily, "I'm more attracted to her this way."

"Very well, Erk. Since Christmas is coming, that shall be my gift to you. I'll hire Pent to use the Silence staff on her daily." Jenro replied, smiling.

"Oh, you'd do that, really?" Erk said, beaming with joy, "Thank you, sir Jenro."

"It's my pleasure."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Ninian, watch out. You'll hurt yourself," Eliwood said. It was another battle, and Eliwood was with his lover, Ninian.

"I...I'm fine, Lord Eliwood. It's nothing for you to worry about, really..." Ninian shyly replied, smiling. Eliwood and Ninian passed by a rock on the ground, and Eliwood was careful for Ninian not to step on it.

"No, Ninian!" Eliwood insisted, "If you get hurt, even just a scratch, I promise I'll blame myself for it."

"Oh, Eliwood...you're so sweet," Ninian replied, and then she embraced Eliwood. They embraced each other in the middle of the battlefield.

"Ummm..." Lyn said, while fighting an enemy archer, "You two should really try on concentrating on what's the present situation now..."

Eliwood and Ninian flinched.

"Oh, sorry, Lyndis..." Eliwood replied, "We just got carried away, that's all."

"Eliwood, look out!" Ninian said, pointing to a nearby enemy myrmidon about to strike Eliwood.

"Oh!"

But Lyn was nearby, and dealt with the enemy first.

"My...thank you, Ninian." Eliwood said, and sighed a sigh of relief, "If it weren't for your warning..."

"Oh, Eliwood..." Ninian said, and then they embraced each other once again.

"Those two!" Lyn grumbled, "They didn't even thank me for dealing with that enemy! I wish they're love could just simmer down already..."

And then, out of nowhere, a brown swirling cloud appears above Ninian, and she goes BERSERK!

"Ninian, oh-what? Ninian?" Eliwood said, and let go of Ninian. As he let go, he saw Ninian's wicked face and wicked smile, and then Ninian punched him with her Nini's Grace ring.

"Bwa ha ha ha ha! I HATE YOU!" Ninian shouted, continuing to punch Eliwood and beat him to the ground.

"I want my mommy!" Eliwood shouted.

Then, from the pegasus of Florina came tactician Jenro once again.

"What in the-?" Jenro said, "What's going on, weakest lord? Why is-"

"It's got to be the doing of a Berserk staff." Pent said, entering the scene, "But, normally, Ninian can't get hit by a Berserk staff..."

"Which is mysterious...mysterious beyond comprehension. This isn't supposed to be happening." Jenro added.

"Well, it can't." Pent replied, "It just so happened that somebody out here wished for it."

"What?" Lyn flinched, "It's not me!"

"HELP ME!" Eliwood shouted.

"Oh, Eliwood. You can stand up on your own, can you?" Jenro said, "Pathetic lord."

**End.**

**Do you have a mystery in mind that you want the detective tactician Jenro to solve? Then, post a review now and I might just make a fic out of your ideas!**

**Oneshot! (Actually, I've done this fic on 2009!)**


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